Can I trust him after cheating again?
Yes, you can trust him. Trust him to keep cheating, that is. Just because you’re 50 doesn’t mean you can’t find someone new that you will love and that will treat you better than this. It’s insanity to say, Oh, I’m 50, I guess I’ll just spend the next 30 or so years being hurt and mistreated because I’m scared of change.
Once a relationship becomes this big of a mess it is really hard to recreate something trustworthy out of it. Not saying it is impossible, but it would be extremely difficult. Here is what I see as the key in this. IF you decide to try to put things back together then you have to let the past be PAST! You admitted that you punished your husband for 5 years for his initial infidelity and that is really hard for anyone to take. If you had remained watchful for signs of further indiscretions but not actually been throwing it all back in his face for 5 years there was have been a much greater chance that he would not have cheated again if he truly regretted his first mistake. But, I think now there is nearly no chance that he will ever be able to regain your trust whether he is completely trustworthy from here on out or not. You said you love this man with all of your heart and doubt you will ever meet someone who will make you feel this way again but if all of that is true then it seems o
I believe your husband does truly love you. However, the dynamics of people who cheat have very little to do with their love of their spouses and children. Cheaters cheat for various reasons (1) poor self-image (good looks has nothing to do with it) and poor self-esteem – cheating allows them to feel needed or desired and fills the void of all the times in their lives they felt unwanted or unloved; (2) learned behavior one or both parents cheated so in their mind this is “normal”; (3) sex addiction, which is a lot more complicated than his answer “it was just for the sex” the thrill of almost getting caught; risking their lives by not getting STD’s or other diseases is equal to having a gun to their heads with one bullet. Any minor children should not be part of this discussion, but certainly your adult son is able to figure this out and of course they will side with you. If their father has emotional and psychological reasons for his behavior he should get help. As for your marriage,
YES you can, but first he must re-earn the trust. I know how you feel right now but it is fixable. Nowadays too many people just run from the problem and not fix it. Then they find themselves right back in the same situation 5 years later, just with someone else. If you don’t fix the problem you will repeat it over and over again. Marriage counseling and individual counseling is imperative. You will need to heal from your pain and he will need to make up for his mistakes. {The process will take years.} See Sources for more help. Contact me if you need someone to talk to. I know the pain you are feeling.
