Can a chimpanzee get into heaven.?
I imagine the chimp would have extra paperwork to fill out, and would have to pay a lot of bananas in “processing fees”. If he creates a video of himself solving a rubik’s cube in under 6 seconds, he may generate enough money from advertising and morning talk show appearances to cover the fee. Elsewhere, the ultra-conservatives will panic. “An ape in Heaven?,” O’Reilly spits. “These tree-hugging pinheads are mocking Eternity!” However, a good-hearted clergyman will take the ape’s side. He has just uncoverd an ancient copy of the Old Testament, which, when translated correctly, describes an eighth sacrament, in which animals can become equal to Humans in God’s eyes. He’ll offer to Humatize the ape. Outraged protestors will surround the church, and an extremist’s homemade bomb will overturn a bus full of nuns and orphans. The world will watch live as the ape is first to leap into the burning bus, helping the nuns and orphans to safety. In the ensuing shock, the best of mankind will quiet
