Are there any advantages to pre-arranged marriages?
I believe that some arranged marriages do work and you fall in love. Fortunately I am not from a culture where this is the normal thing to do, however one of my friends disappeared one day and I have never heard from her since. I believe, and I hope that she ran away with her lover whom was not of her faith or culture. She was to move back to pakistan to marry a distant cousin whom she had met when she was 6 and not since. I knew she was not happy about this as he was much older and she did not know him! I knew she was planning to elope but she didn’t talk about it much and I was so ignorant back then that I really didn’t realise the danger she was in if she got caught. What I am getting to here with this, is that I think arranged marriages can work but when they don’t or the individuals involved don’t wish to get married then I don’t believe they should be forced into it or punished for it.
I still question real advantages to any other kind. This answer goes against tenets of my faith, I know, but after two marriages, both having failed for different reasons: The first wife decided she preferred wimmen to men and the second one decided she preferred anybody but me, I question the advantage of being tied to a stranger who might be so very different. In a worse case, a former co-worker from India came to the US with his arranged bride who soon decided she had married a fool and divorced him, a very rare occurence among people of that culture. The embarrassment impacted his family in India and the Indian socety in Detroit. She is doing well and continuing with graduate school. He’s trying to live down the shame of being abandoned by his wife, and his family is totally shamed for themselves and him, as well. That example tells me to say “No” to the question.
When I first heard what it was I was filled with revulsion. Since, though, I’ve met folks whose families practice it. It’s not that bad! When you consider how badly unarranged marriages can work out and how much families try to make good matches – I feel like it may actually be a better option in some cases.
Prearranged marriages are traditional in my culture, even to this day. In America it is rare but in EU it is common. They help solidify allegiances between Clans and/or families, help diffuse feuds. To this day they do this and, in EU, it still is very useful to us. In EU marriages tend to be for life. In America we have the same divorce rates as anyone else. Ok, less than everybody else, from what I have heard. I have no hard statistics. The last bit might simply be EU Rromani culture vs American Rromani culture. I do not know. I do not concur that it is “right” but I cannot say it is “wrong”. It is not for me.
