After a birthmother is found, does the relationship develop in a satisfactory way?
The literature shows stages to the reunion experience. The books Birthbond: Reunions Betweeen Birthparents and Adoptees by Judith Gediman, Joan Dunphy and Linda Brown and The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide by Julie Bailey and Lynn Giddens are excellent resources. Briefly, in reunion, there is the initial “honeymoon” period when neither adoptee nor birth family member can do no wrong. There is a euphoric high and the relationship can be so intense that other relationships may suffer. This period may last several days, weeks or months and is similar to the manic highs experienced with bipolar depression. And, just like bipolar patients, the highs give way to lows. Birth relative and adoptee may feel guilt, remorse or anger. As with the “high”, the time spent in this phase varies greatly. But after that stage is acceptance; this is when the relationship “settles into” a more reality-based framework.
