Seepage Wagtini

When debating over a name for this beverage, my friend suggested something containing either the word “sewage” or “sewer,” as in “Sewer Runoff” or “Sewage Seepage.” I thought such a name might discourage people from trying the drink, even though—looking at the cocktail—it did ring true in its appearance. Instead, I settled on the something everyone can appreciate: Seepage.

This is merely a variation on the old Wagtini I have pushed on this website repeatedly. For me, the Wagtini just didn’t have enough salty, mouth-puckering anchovy flavor. This recipe remedied that. And if you aren’t a fan of anchovies, I implore you to not try this, for you will wish a pox upon me, and that’s the last thing I need right now.

In fact, the actual drink recipe is exactly the same as the Wagtini except that instead of straight olive juice to make it a dirty martini, you use my specially infused olive juice, making the drink downright filthy.

 Many people insist on buying expensive vodka for their martinis. Such people are fools. When it comes to mixed drinks, 99 out of 100 people cannot tell the difference between top-rate vodka that goes for $60 a bottle and most cheaper brands. Don’t waste your money!

For the longest time, I used Skii vodka, which is one of the less expensive brands, but recently I discovered Svedka, from Sweden. A 1.75 liter bottle goes for about $16, and you can find it on sale for as little as $13. If you do a blind taste test on your friends with this stuff and Absolut or any other more expensive brand, I guarantee that not one will tell the difference in a Seepage Wagtini, and few would taste the difference if you served it straight. After all, vodka is not aged like other liquors and the goal of all vodkas is to have no flavor at all other than alcohol.

Luke… use the Svedka!

For this you will need:

• One large jar Star Spanish Olives (Queens, available in a 2-pack at Costco)
• 4 tins anchovies, drained and patted dry with paper towels
• Several small bowls
• Wood skewer with blunt end
• Spoon

Here’s what you do:

1. Remove all olives from the jar (reserving the juice) and, using the blunt end of the skewer, remove the pimentos by pushing the skewer through the small hole in the back of the olive.
2. Stuff each olive with as much anchovy as it will hold (usually 1 filet per olive). Return stuffed olives to the jar, retaining enough of the olive juice to cover them about 1/3 deep.
3. Use olives as you would regularly, and make your martini as dirty as you like. (Because the olive brine holding the anchovy-stuffed olives can get fairly concentrated, I use it half and half with fresh olive brine from another jar.) The anchovy residue will give the olive brine a distinctive filthy hue. Why else would I call it “seepage?”

Seepage Wagtini Diresctions:

1. Fill shaker or mixing glass with cube ice.
2. Scewer desired number of anchovy-stuffed olives and place them in a stemmed glass (here’s where the spoon comes in handy); before returning the jar to the fridge, pour as much dirty brine into the shaker/glass as you desire (start small: you can always add more, but it’s mighty salty if you overdo it).
3. Add dry vermouth if desired (for a standard martini, which I prefer, add 1/4 oz.: for a dry martini, add a dash to the coctail glass–removing the olives first, duh–swirl it around and shake out the excess over the sink).
4. Add 3 oz. vodka, shake or stir for about 30 seconds and serve… remembering to replace the olives in the glass first, duh.