What’s a safeword?
A safeword is a word used to halt play. It is basically a code word that is usually discussed and decided on before a scene. For example Dragonfly’s Den safewords are: red, yellow and green. When I am playing with a new person I will often stop and ask them what their colour is, if they say green it means they are good to go. If the say red it means stop I can’t take this it’s too much. If they say yellow that means they are ok but at the limit of what they can take so caution is necessary. The reason we use safewords is that a lot of us like the fantasy of pleading for mercy or crying out no in resistance and having that ignored and being overpowered, because that is the turn on the loss of control, the vulnerability of being overpowered… But we still need a way to let our partners know that what is happening sometimes isn’t part of the fantasy and that you really do need it to stop. That’s what a safeword is for – a way to let your partner know that what they are doing is not a goo
